I sorted through a box of stuff the other day and whilst doing so, I stumbled across a notebook from a couple of years ago that I had jotted down a few quick thoughts about things in my life to mull over another time. One of these was a phrase ‘which lines are permanent and which are to be erased’.  

Now upon typing that very sentence, I just realised that I don’t remember whether I had written it as a question or a statement? It’s pretty open to interpretation as it is, and that just opens it up further. (Incidentally, I have just looked for the book I wrote it in, but, there is so much mess in here I can’t find it right now). 

Let’s see how I can interpret this…and I am starting with it as a question as I would assume that once a question has been asked, a statement can be made. 

Which lines are permanent and which are to be erased? As a question, I guess it’s relating to me making my way in the world and finding out who I am by working out aspects of my life that are truly ‘me’ and those which are not (incidentally, I am very much a “thinker” rather than a “doer” – how I would love to go through my life just ‘living’ and not questioning… I digress). The fact that it is asking which are to be kept and which erased puts the power of decision in me - it assumes that I have control over the process. The part that says ‘which’ can imply that all of the lines are known and that some are already permanent, whether that be through my own control or not, and that for the remainder it’s the time to decide their fate. I guess at this point, it would be good to know what the lines could be. 

According to the thefreedictionary.com the word ‘line’ has 34 meanings. If I had both the time (which, technically I do – I don’t start work for another 3 hours) or the energy ( I procrastinate and am so lazy I could barely manage the effort to write this today) I could go through each one and relate it to my phrase. I don’t think that would make this very quick reading for you, and, I guess part of what I want this blog to do is make you think a little, so, what I will do is go through just a few. I will use random.org to generate the numbers of 3 of the meanings. 

10. a. A passenger or cargo system of public or private transportation, as by ship, aircraft, or bus, usually over a definite route.b. A company owning or managing such a system Hmm… not a obvious one. This is referring to line as a route or path for a journey that is possibly already mapped out? I like the line “usually over a definitive route”. I guess this can be the path of my life. Maybe it is already written and I cannot erase bits of it? I think it also makes it clear that this line is not a unique one, but maybe part of a bigger network of lines.  

26. Games. A horizontal demarcation on a scorecard in bridge dividing the honor score from the trick score Now, I don’t play bridge, but again, I guess if I look at life as a game, to win you need an element of skill but also a lot is decided by chance. Maybe the lines on the card are derived from a combination of the two. I am intruiged by the notion of an honor score and a trick score…  

5. a. A mark used to define a shape or represent a contour.b. Any of the marks that make up the formal design of a picture The idea of using it to define or represent could show that the line is indicative of whether something should exist or not. In terms of the ‘formal’ design of a picture, without them the picture would not exist or would be half drawn.

Which lines are permanent and which are to be erased As a statement, I guess it takes everything that it raises as a question and confirms it as an action that is being carried out. I would like to think that I am now working towards looking at which lines I am keeping in my life.  

Recently I ended a friendship with someone who, I was very close with, but also that I allowed myself to be easily led by. I would use him to raise my self esteem by having sex with him (he has a long term girlfriend) and also to get drunk with and generally be irresponsible. I called time on it after having a bit of a 24 booze-fest in which I ended up taking cocaine (see – lines of coke – irony) and also sex. It was after that when I realised that I shouldn’t be friends with someone who made me behave so out of character and destructively. I therefore chose to erase that line in my life. 

As a line to keep – I have become a lot closer to a friend of a friend back where I used to live. This girl is really good to talk things over with, and her cheery optimism is infectious and reassuring, even over MSN Messenger, which is how we normally communicate. I guess, like all friendships, the lines aren’t always permanent, but, I hope this one is. 

I am sorry to cut this off so suddenly, but I draft this in Word and it is 2 pages, so I think I should end it here for now. Thanks for reading my ramblings. I have really had the chance to think over some more things whilst writing this. In all honesty there is so much more I could say, so maybe I will continue this at another point. T

ake a look at the line definition and see what you can interpret. Which lines in your life have you decided to keep? Which have been decided for you? Which are you are still not sure of?